TheWordless.com
2442 N.W. Market St. #128
Seattle, WA 98107
silent@wordless.us
Craig Ferguson
c/o CBS (hoc-tew)
Dear Sir:
Congratulations. You are the bequeathee of RockWacker #8 from Melville’s iconic character.
Your certificate is enclosed. If you assign your RockWacker to someone else, sign it over to them and send a copy to TheWordless for registration purposes.
Lies have been perpetrated at RockWackers.com, and at http://rockwacker8.wordpress.com/, which is now your blog. Your username is “XXXX” and your password is “XXXX.” Your email address is “rockwacker8@live.com,” and your password there is likewise “XXXX.”
If you don’t change it, nefarious characters may mess around there, possibly pissing you off.
P.S. A few hints:
When walking with your RockWacker:
Put your hand UP through the loop: 
Wrap hand around both strap and staff, for support without getting a grip:
In treacherous terrain try two-handed:
Want hands-free? Tow it like a tail, baffling your trackers:
When Wacking, observe these precautions:
Likely waterspouts dictate donning raingear:
Possible chips and splinters demand goggles and gloves:
Lightning danger (blasphemy level) unknown: suggest lightning rod on hardhat:
May you wack in love, truth, and beauty:
